The Conception - An Ode to My Hero.

"words and hugs
were not my daddy's tools
life was about work
hands were made to think

he communicated like his father
silently erecting monuments of
pauses
even his gestures had commas

in his private workshop
behind a wall of resurrected TV sets
and engine parts
collected from the side of the road
he spent his spare time
polishing granddaddy's old saws
chisels and hammers
reconstructing junk and found objects into miniature antique furniture
and scale models of his dreams

just piddlin', he'd say
deflecting accusations
of creating something beautiful

no one ever called this man
an artist
no book spine whispers his name
yet everytime I open my mouth
I can hear him sing"
Frank X. Walker

It is amazing how much I resemble my father. His mannerisms, loner attitude, and bipolar outbursts have all become apart of my personality. Growing up I never realized the similarity. I didn't want to be like him, matter of fact I wasn't even sure if I liked him. He was nothing more than an authoritarian figure, and one who's authority I didn't respect. Everyone would always say, "Deuce you look so much like your father", and I would scoff at the notion. I wanted to create my own path, my own identity, show him that I didn't need to be like him. I was young, rebellious, and a champion of my own destiny. He was so consumed by work, I never understood why he couldn't just relax, kick his feet up a little bit, smoke a cigar, live the good life. The trips he made me take to North Carolina, working all summer or on my spring breaks - fixing up houses, cleaning the family cemetery - I saw it as his way of just making me do bullshit work, to keep me from partying it up like everyone else.

As much as I tried to lessen his influence on me, I ultimately failed - it was inevitable - it is innate in every son to want to please their father. The more time we spent together - the more I began to respect him. The more I heard people talk about him - the more I admired him. The more trips to bumblefuck North Carolina - the more I began to appreciate hard work and peace of mind. The more graves I cleaned - the more I began to appreciate my family history. There is a reason why Michael Jordan's sons play basketball or Archie Manning's sons are great quarterbacks. My father is no superstar athlete though, he's a hard-working man from a small town in North Carolina, who has earned all the good fortune that his come his way. He's a true rag-to-riches story, someone who was so poor yet wouldn't let that hinder him. He was driven to succeed like a mad man. Despite possessing no college degree, he can put a computer together from scratch. In fact he is one of the most intelligent people I know. He has never forgotten where he came from, always looking to help those who are less fortunate. He loves his family making sure to do whatever he can for his 107 year old grandmother. He loves his wife, quietly playing a secondary role, supporting her as her career has climbed to incredible heights. Everyone who has ever worked with him praises him. He doesn't possess a selfish bone in his body. His best qualities are diligence, empathy, compassion - How could I not have admired this man? How could I have been so blind?

As a kid I was so caught up in the fact that my father wasn't your prototypical "great dad". He was moody, unapproachable at times - it was difficult for him to express his emotions. I don't even know if he told me loved me until I was an adult. It distracted me from seeing his more endearing qualities - while not the greatest dad, he was a great person. I know he feels as if he failed me as a father sometimes, that perhaps I would've turned out differently if he had been able to develop a better relationship with me. The fact is though he was the best father a son could have. Why?

Because I want to emulate him. The great qualities he has, are all qualities I hope people see in me. Too many young black men have no quality father figures to look up to - I did, and I consider myself fortunate. I figured the best way for me to start this blog off would be to give you a little bit of insight into who I am and who I plan to be. I am Lafayette Masteen Greenfield II, and I plan to be just like who I'm named after. I am moody, unapproachable at times - but deep down a kindhearted person. I look down upon no one, and I will never forget where my family came from. I will clean up that cemetery until the day that I am no longer physically able to do so. I plan to work hard and value everything that is given to me. I am driven to succeed, failure is not an option. I love the country, there is no better place to achieve serenity of the mind - I may move out there someday. I want to be defined as diligent, empathetic, compassionate - just like him.

My Hero.